Thursday, January 5, 2012

I Wish Time Would Hurry Up And Slow Down

I'm doing a lot of soul searching and praying lately about homeschooling Ben and Ali again. I just read this post over at the Holy Spirit-Led Homeschooling blog and sobbed while reading every last word. Go over there and check it out and I dare you not to get all teary-eyed. After I read this very thought provoking post, I left the following in the comments section of the post:

"Thank you for this beautiful post. I sobbed out loud throughout the entire reading. After much consideration, we finally decided to register our children for school this year. Our son (age 9) and daughter (age 7) both currently attend private school. However, we homeschooled our son during his kindergarten year. He then went to private school for first grade. The following year, he went back to private school for second grade, while I  home schooled our daughter that year for kindergarten. Last year, we home schooled both children (son was in 3rd grade and daughter was in 1st grade.) So, we have sort of went back and forth with private school and homeschool. We struggled all last summer trying to decide what to do and praying about our decision. Our son was convinced that he wanted to go back to school....he missed his friends. My daughter had never attended school, at the point, and expressed (very vocally) that she did NOT want to go to school. In the end, we sent them - thinking it would be fun for our daughter to have the "real" school experience, one that she had never had up until that point. Plus, our son said he missed his friends....and I thought I might have more time to clean the house. Huh? Ridiculous, I now realize. Well, four days after starting school, my daughter didn't want to be there and ran away from her teacher down the hall (kicking and screaming, literally) because she missed me. Also, it probably only took two months (tops) for our son to realize that, even though his friends are great, he would still rather be at home....with us. Eventually, our daughter accepted going to school and has adjusted to the routine fine. Our son was on the school soccer team and is now finishing up basketball season with the school's team. So, it hasn't been terrible and they never come home crying at the end of the day. However, they regularly express their desire to be home again with us, instead of going to school. Though my days have been more quiet than if they were home with me, I have never really adjusted to having them gone all day, every day. It just hasn't felt right, since the beginning of the school year....something feels off. Don't get me wrong, it's a very nice school, small and personable. There are no real problems, to speak of. Something just feels "off" when I send them "off" to school each day  It was during their recent Christmas vacation that we realized just how much they want to be home with us and just how much we want them home, too. Though they said everything is fine at school and they both have many friends, they miss us when they're there. They went back yesterday, after their Christmas break. The night before, when I was putting our children to bed, my son (with a single tear streaming down his face) said something that stopped me in my tracks. He said that, although he misses us when he's at school and really wants to be homeschooled, he will do whatever we think is best. It nearly broke my heart. So, hear I sit - reading your post and a house that is no cleaner than if my kids were here with me and I have to ask myself: what is best?? They miss us and WANT to be home with us. We miss them and WANT them to be home, too. So, what's the point of sending them off for 7 hours every day? What's the point of paying tuition when I can be here for them? What can they learn and gain by going to school that they can't learn and gain from being home? Thank you so much for this post and for reminding us that our children won't be children forever. Time, no matter how hard we try to slow it down, it just keeps ticking away. You have beautifully stated how I have been feeling. I believe that "off" feeling that I get when I send them off each day is God whispering to me. Whispering to me "you have the gift of time right now, use it wisely." Thank you for helping me hear Him!!!

Are you hearing a whisper from God about homeschooling? 
Yeah, me, too.

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