I babysat for three of my sister Jenn's children Saturday night. Her Nicholas is two and half years older than Beb and her Natalie is just nine weeks younger than Al. Her youngest, Thomas the Tank Engine, is 9 months old with a toothless grin that would melt even the coldest heart. He's so stinkin' cute!
Let's just say my ovaries hurt now.
And hurting ovaries at age 41, kind of painful......just sayin'.
"100 THINGS ABOUT ME" (81-90):
81. I never thought much about having children when Ray and I were first married. I was only 25 at the time and thought we had plenty of time for baby making. But time flies when you're having fun.
82. Nine years later, at age 34, I became a mother with the birth of our son Benjamin.
83. In cat years, that's really old.
84. Two years later, our daughter was born.
85. For those of you doing the math, I was 36 when Alexandria was born.
86. Our boy. Our girl. We were complete.
87. Until I was staring down the backside of 39. Can you say 'tick tock'?
88. So, after much discussion (and by discussion, I mean me relentlessly asking Ray if we could have another baby and him responding that we are too old - tell me something I don't know Cowboy), we finally realized that we didn't want to have any regrets if we didn't at least try for a few months. I prayed to God that if we were meant to have another baby, I would embrace that. If He had different plans for us, I would accept and embrace that also.
89. Two months after my 40th birthday, I became pregnant. Seeing those two little lines was so exciting! It was such a happy moment for our family.
90. In my 11th week of pregnancy, I had a miscarriage. The excitement and happiness of earlier weeks was replaced with the kind of pain and heartache that I thought would never end. But with God as the calm in our storm, the pain eventually did ease. And although we never got to hold our baby, look into his or her beautiful eyes or hear that beautiful cry, we are comforted by the knowledge that someday we will. Before becoming pregnant, I prayed to God that I would embrace another baby - and I did. I also prayed to God that I would accept His decision if He had other plans - and I have. For now.
But as we know, God has a sense of humor and can throw you a curve ball even if you didn't know you were up to bat! At age 41, I don't know if God will bless us with another baby. Sometimes, I pray that He does and other times I know I am CRAZY for even praying for such chaos that a newborn baby is sure to create. Hello? Poo poo diapers, bottles, spit-up, bath time, teething, drooling......
But on the other hand, poo poo diapers, bottles, spit-up, bath time, teething, drooling......